Don’t Try To Be Friends with Your Ex

Initially, when the breakup happens, whoever initiated it doesn’t matter, there will be an urge to remain friends.

You mustn’t establish a platonic friendship with your ex. Even if they suggest it, be friendly, but politely decline. You don’t need to explain yourself if your ex is respectful. If they do not respect your decision not to be friends, then they might not even be worth getting back with.

The reason why this is a bad idea is that once your ex sees you as a friend, they will use you for emotional support, but without any of the other benefits of a relationship. They might try their hand at some rebound relationships even, and when those crash and burn, you will be the first one they run back to. Not because they want to get back with you, but because they want a shoulder to cry on, nothing more.

Keep your distance, and give them time to sort themselves out while you do the same for yourself.

Being friends will also add tension between the two of you. It’s difficult to be friends with someone you just broke up with. If the breakup was quite harsh, you might still resent each other but try to make it work around your friends. If you are still attracted to each other, you might be tempted to sleep together, which could make the breakup more complicated than it should be.

If you share the same friend’s group, it might be better to spend time with them apart, or even just hang out with your best friend alone instead.

Stay relatively quiet on social media (for now)

We live a lot of our lives on social media these days. It has not only changed the way we perceive ourselves but also changed the dynamics of going about a relationship.

A lot of what we do is shared on social media, from what we eat, where we work out, where we spend our holidays and what we do in our free time. It can be fun to share these things with our friends and family, but it can also allow a jealous partner or ex to keep tabs on us.

That’s why during the first few weeks of a breakup it might be a good idea to stay off social media. It’s not just so that your ex won’t be able to see what you’re up to, but it will also keep you from seeing what your ex is up to.

They might be the vindictive type and try to post a lot of selfies with other people to try and make you jealous. They might go on holiday somewhere far away or might share some upsetting details about your relationship online.

This could all lead to further arguments that will only hurt your relationship even more.

If you plan to get back with your ex, you should avoid social media for a while right after the breakup.

You must bring your ex back to you, don’t chase your ex

This is the last thing you should remember and think over before trying to get back with your ex.

A lot of times the person that is on the receiving end of the breakup will try to run back to their ex. They make exclamations of love and everything they will do to get their partner back. Fighting off dragons, climbing the highest mountains, and sailing the seven seas.

Here’s the thing; if your ex doesn’t want you back, nothing you do will ever change their mind. It might be hard to accept that your ex won’t take you back, but once you get their things will be much easier for you.

This is why your ex needs to come back to you. This doesn’t mean they will come running and begging you to take them back.

The goal is to get your ex interested in your day-to-day activities. You want to be on their mind constantly. You want them thinking about what you’re up to all the time.

This will take a lot of time and might still not work. If it does though, the payoff will be enormous. 

What you usually want to happen is your ex contacting you. This might be a comment on one of your photos or even a message asking how you are. Any of these things is a big win in your book. This means your ex is keeping an eye on you and might be interested to meet up. 

How to get your ex back fast: Getting your ex back requires being tactical & having patience

Now it’s finally time to get to the part where you are ready to get your ex back!

If you’ve followed the above steps, you should be in a good place. Confidence should be at a high, you know what all your weaknesses are in the relationship as well as the areas in your relationship that need working on. 

If you’re still reading, it means that you have come to the conclusion that you and your ex were made for each other, and that you would do anything to get them back. From here on out we’ll be taking you through step by step, how to get your ex back quickly and keep it that way.

Step 1: Make your ex miss you

If you’ve already been off of social media for a while, then you’re on the right path.

Keep social media engagement at a minimum for the first few weeks. This will make your ex suspicious and curious about you and what you’re getting up to.

After a few weeks, it’s time to set the plan in motion. There are two ways to go about it.

1. Meet other people

This is why we suggested staying off of social media at first. Schedule a fun night out with your friends and make sure to capture all of the action on camera. Post the pictures on social media, but don’t be passive-aggressive.

You can write something funny about the night, but keep your feelings out of it as it would only come off passive-aggressive. Even if you don’t mean it that way.

A week later you can do the same, but this time try meeting someone new and invite them out with your friends. Make sure to take a selfie together with this new person of interest and post it among a few other pictures. Again, keep the comment and hashtags friendly.

This will let your ex know that you are certainly trying to get out there again, and depending on how jealous they get, might even evoke a response from them.

Whatever you do, do not post any old pictures with you and your ex. It will only come off as needy during the early stages.

2. What if my ex blocked me on social media?

This will make it more difficult to get them to miss you again. But there might be some things you can still do to get them to miss you.

If you know their favorite coffee shop or hangout place, it might be a good idea to invite a friend or two there. Try to be there when your ex is there too, but don’t engage them unless they engage you. If they do engage you keep it short, sweet, and civil.

If you lived together, there might be a chance that you still have some of their stuff with you. Pack all of it in a box, and after a few weeks of being broken up, take the box back to them. Not only will this give you a chance to talk to them, but some of the items might bring back memories of the two of you together.  

Don’t show up unannounced though. You will have to contact them first before doing this. Here’s how.

Step 2: Contacting your ex: Things you should (and shouldn’t) do.

So, you’ve waited a few weeks. Maybe you’ve bumped into your ex by random chance, or you’ve been having fun on social media keeping them interested in your day-to-day life. Now it’s time to get back into contact with them.

Contacting your ex is a dangerous game to play, but if traversed with care and patience it can be done successfully. Here are some things you should and shouldn’t do when contacting your ex. 

Things you should do:

You should give your ex some space and time first. Usually, breakups are messy, and even when they aren’t, couples still need some time to reflect on the relationship. During this time, it will allow for some clarity. Being away from each other and the relationship will allow you and your ex to see the pros and cons of the relationship, which will make deciding to get back easier.

• Be clear and concise about where you stand in the relationship. You must be a hundred percent sure you want back in before contacting your ex.
• Be realistic. There is always a chance your ex won’t respond or might respond in a way you might not like or expect. If they don’t respond at all, leave it be.
• Be respectful. If your ex has moved on, you need to accept them and their new lifepath or partner.

Things you shouldn’t do:

• Do not text your ex thoughtlessly. This means anytime you’re not feeling well or you’re intoxicated. Drunk texting, pity texting, or late-night loneliness can lead to unwanted interactions with your ex, which might push them away even more. If you’re feeling down, hide your phone. Instead, read a book, watch a movie or go out. Anything to distract yourself from texting your ex.
• You also want to avoid unnecessary messages. Especially if you left on bad terms. A good morning text or a “Hi, just checking in,” is a sure-fire way to ruin any chance of getting back with your ex. Only when you are sure of your commitment to the relationship and have identified the issues in your relationship should you consider contacting them.
• Don’t start a confrontation. Things might still be heated between you and your ex might not respond how you expected. Do not under any circumstance start arguing with them. If they seem hot-headed, back away. They need more time and space.

Step 3: Date other people

This step is only here if step number 2 did not go well.

You’ve tried to make your ex miss you and contacted them. Unfortunately, your ex responded negatively or maybe not at all. No worries, we have a backup plan!

Get out there and find someone new. You might still not be over your ex, but nothing gets an ex worked up as much as seeing their previous partner already with a new partner.

Now, before you just start jumping into the deep end make sure that you don’t get into any serious relationships right away. Be honest with your new acquaintance that you have recently broken up and that you aren’t looking for anything serious. This does not mean a one-night stand, it just means that you are looking for good company.

Don’t write off any new relationships just because you still love your ex though. Take them just as seriously as any other dates you’ve ever been on. Otherwise, it’s just disrespectful towards that person and you’re not ready to be in any sort of relationship. You still need to work on yourself then.

Take some fun, lighthearted photos and ask their permission to post them on social media. This will show your ex that you’re on the market and people are interested.

If they see you out with other potential partners, they might realize that they made a huge mistake leaving you. At this point, they might try to contact you, at which point you may go back to step 2.

Step 4: Accept and apologize for your part in the breakup

If you’ve done all of the above-mentioned things, you will already have identified your flaws within the relationship and what you can do to make them right.

You’ve made contact with your ex already and it’s time to make things right. After a week or two of contact over the phone, arrange to meet.

This part mustn’t be done over the phone. If you and your ex are ready, arrange to meet somewhere relatively quiet and comfortable. It has to be within a public setting. Do not go to their place or invite them to yours. This is to prevent them or you from feeling uncomfortable or forced.

Now it’s time to say what you want to say. It doesn’t matter who broke up with whom, both partners are responsible for the relationship and if it will ever work again, both need to own up to their mistakes and apologize.

Apologize to your partner and tell them that you have been working on yourself since you’ve broken up. Tell them about your flaws within the relationship and also ask their opinion on what they might have felt you didn’t do right. 

Remember to be open-minded. If you are offended by what they have to say about you, internalize it and tell them that you appreciate their input and will work on it further.

The most important part of this whole process is that your partner does the same. If they do not own up to their mistakes or take responsibility for their part in the relationship, there is no hope. You will always be fighting for a relationship they do not care for.

It might be hard to do, but if they aren’t ready to work on themselves as well, you need to walk away.

If they do apologize and want to work together to fix the relationship then you are ready to try and get back with your ex.

Step 5: Discuss what will be different in person with your ex

You’ve come this far. You’ve contacted your ex, you’ve both agreed to meet and the discussion is going well. Your ex has also shown or said that they would like to try again. 

Now comes a crucial part of the meeting, discussing your previous relationship and things that need to change. You’ve already been honest about yourself and vice versa. Now you need to iron out the mistakes and bad things that made the relationship break in the first place.

Here are some things that need to be discussed.

Forgive your partner’s mistakes

Firstly, you cannot move on if you do not forgive each other. 

Holding any sort of grudge towards your partner will only lead you back to the same things that tore the relationship apart initially.

Resentment will only lead to hurt feelings, untrustworthiness, and eventually another breakup.

Tell your partner that you forgive them. Make sure that you are sincere when you say it. You may even specify things that they previously mentioned, but don’t be passive-aggressive about them. It takes a lot to share your weaknesses with others, so when you forgive their weaknesses, you need to give your full heart and commitment.

This brings us to the next thing.

Commit to fixing the relationship

Both parties need to be committed.

Hopefully, at this point, you have decided without a doubt that you want to be with your ex for the rest of your life. You’ve contemplated the things you have done and the things you want to do and your ex the same.

If you have both decided to get back together, you need to be 100% sure of it. Ask your partner if they are fully committed to the relationship and whether they, just like you, are ready to work together to make the relationship stronger than before.

This might mean sacrificing certain things from both parties as well as being selfless, understanding, and patient.

A great way to do this is to set up some rules that will help guide you away from the mistakes of the past. Remember, this is not a game! Be serious and respect your partner as well as yourself.

Learn to trust each other again

As we’ve mentioned before, the foundation of all relationships is built on trust.

 Without trust in a relationship things like jealousy, distrust and selfishness will take over. 

There are some easy ways to build trust again. Promise each other to always tell the truth, to allow each other to make independent choices but consulting one another, to be open-minded, and apologize when you’ve made a mistake.

It might sound easy, but even small promises like being somewhere at a certain time need to be kept. If you tell your partner to meet you at the restaurant at 8 PM, be there 10-minutes before. These small little promises add up eventually, and will only make your partner trust you less when you break them.

Communicate openly

This goes hand-in-hand with trust and honesty.

There will only be honesty if both parties are open-minded, listen carefully, and respond accordingly.

If one or both partners become aggressive and upset when their partners tell the truth, they will be discouraged, to tell the truth again. So, it is important to listen openly and not overreact when your partner tells you something. Instead, stay calm, process what’s been said, and respond calmly. No matter how harsh this truth might be to you.

That said, you need to always be as direct as possible. So, speak your mind, just in a way that is not upsetting. If your partner tends to get upset easily, remind them before the meeting that you will be very honest, and that negative responses will only hinder the relationship.

Another great little trick to developing open communication is to show appreciation. This means to say thank you when your partner does something for you or helps you. You should also use “please” as much as possible. This will show your partner that you respect and appreciate them, which will make it easier for them to communicate openly.

Resolve conflicts and arguments with respect

All relationships come with compromise. This is a part of the relationship that can cause a lot of tension between partners. Don’t expect it to ever be an even 50/50 split. 

Instead, there is a constant shift between compromises throughout the day. Here’s an easy example, your partner hates doing the dishes. They are always leaving plates and glasses around the house after they eat or drink something. This can be frustrating. It’s even worse since not only do they not wash their dishes, but they don’t even take them to the sink!

A great compromise, which might not sound fair to you, but is a great starting place, would be to ask them to take the dishes to the sink when they are done. In return for doing this, you will be responsible for washing the dishes. 

Some people might argue that their partner should be cleaning their dishes, “it’s only fair.”

This phrase, “it’s only fair,” is dangerous and should never be said to your partner. 

What most of us do not realize is that there are some things our partners might be putting up with for us as well. That show you love to watch every evening that they watch with you, might not even be something they enjoy watching at all. The only reason they watch it with you is that they see and know that you enjoy it.

Comprises are constantly happening all day and if you are stubborn about keeping them equally, or even worse, start keeping score, you are failing your relationship.

Find your intimacy again

If you had a particularly difficult breakup, it might be difficult to find intimacy again.

The best way to find intimacy again is to focus on the things before it. Trust and communication are key.

When you trust someone and feel like you can talk to them about anything, being intimate with them becomes much easier.

Hold your partner’s hands, play with their hair, or even rub their shoulders. There are plenty of ways to be intimate. Make sure you set some time apart from the rest of your day to spend with your partner only. If it’s not possible every day, then at least every few days.

This alone time will allow you to openly communicate about issues or things you want, as well as allow time to be intimate. Remember communication is key to intimacy. If there’s no communication, there is no intimacy.

Focus on the future

Talk to each other about what you want in the next 5 years. You’d be surprised how different some people’s futures might be from where they currently are.

Some people might want to get married, buy a house and car, and have a baby within the next 5 years. Others might want to focus on their career and have progressed to a higher position.

Some people might want to be traveling the world and some people might have no clue what they want in 5 years.

Discuss this with your partner before getting back together. If your plan and your partner’s plan don’t align, you will need to discuss and compromise if possible.

Sometimes it won’t be possible to compromise at all. This is a person’s future we’re talking about, trying to force them to do stuff they don’t want would be selfish.

If you don’t want kids, and your partner wants them within 5 years, it could cause a lot of issues later in the relationship. Lying about it also won’t help. Honesty is crucial. If you lie and tell your partner you want kids too, come the time, to tell the truth, you will have stolen years of their life that they could’ve spent with someone who wanted kids as well.

It’s not all grim though. Planning your future together can also be fun. When you’re focused on your future it keeps the past away. Dwelling on your past will only bring up bad memories of your partner, stay focused on the now and where it may lead.

Be patient

Throughout this whole, difficult conversation, both of you will need to be patient.

All relationships will heal in varying amounts over time. Some take longer than others, but eventually, all will be forgiven.

If you’re still uncertain, don’t rush into it. Go back to dating your partner, don’t move straight back in together. This will help make things feel fresh, and allow both of you a chance to start anew. 

Use this time to rebuild the fundamentals of your relationship correctly. Establish trust and intimacy first and foremost.

If you follow these steps and show patience, respect, open-mindedness, and sympathy towards your partner, you will surely find success and get back to your ex as soon as possible. Sometimes though, your ex still might not want anything to do with you.

Getting back together will require creativity

If your ex is still not responding to you, you might need some more creative ways to try and get them back.

You’ve tried all the steps correctly. You spent some time alone, you used social media to get their attention, you tried contacting them, and nothing. You might be feeling frustrated, nothing you do is working, but be patient. If you try to hurry things, you will only end up making your ex dislike you more.

At this point, reconsider your relationship with your ex first. Dig deep into the pros and cons of your previous relationship with them. At this point, it is clear that they are not interested, and it will be 100% commitment from you, but not from them. This will make your relationship a very uneven one, with your side having to work much harder to keep the relationship going. If you feel comfortable with that, then keep on reading.

Here are some other things you could try to get your ex back.

Should I try to make my ex jealous?

This is a very risky thing to do. A bit of jealousy works great as we mentioned before. This is a bit more than a few social media posts.

To make your ex jealous there are a few things you could try.

• Being shallow and passively aggressive online might make them angry, or might make them jealous. What we mean by that is posting things online that are directly aimed at your ex, to get them to respond to it. This could be posting songs that you both listened to all the time, with lyrics that relate to your current situation.
• Go out with one of their friend’s friends. This one might get you in trouble with some but might make others jealous. Whatever you do, do not date one of their close friends! Date someone they are acquainted with, or that you’re sure they would find out about. This is so you don’t have to post anything online, but they will receive word that you’re dating someone new and better than them.
• Another great thing to do would be to take some steamy selfies and post them online. This is a great way to show your ex what they’re missing out on while you’re being body positive, confident, and living your best life. Even better if you can get someone else with you in the picture that might make them jealous.
• Try some of these things, but take note that these are extreme measures and completely go over a lot of boundaries of respect towards your partner. You need to think twice before going this far, and if it’s even worth it.

How to get an ex back permanently: Don’t panic if they found someone else (rebound relationships)

This might be your biggest fear if you’re trying to get your ex back. It can cause a lot of anxiety and sleepless nights. It’s also what makes you try to rush getting your ex-back which in the process just ruins your relationship with them more.

We’d like to tell you that your ex getting a new partner is not an issue and that you shouldn’t worry about it, but that would only be a lie. 

People tend to find a rebound relationship quite quickly. Now does that mean that it will turn into a long-term relationship, most likely not? It might even just be a one-night stand. Either way, it does hurt when this happens. But you’re both adults and should act like it. If your ex is getting out and looking for some rebound fun, then you should too. As we’ve discussed before, this is a way of making your ex jealous and they might even be trying to do the same to you.

If they are currently in a relationship with someone, it’s not your place to try and break up the relationship. The best thing you can do is to stay as far away as possible from your ex and their new partner.

At this point, you should mentally prepare for the worst, which is that they stay with their new partner forever. Best case scenario, they have nothing in common and it’s just a random fling. Again, whatever you do, stay out of it!

Another thing you should do if they have a new partner is to stop following them on social media. You don’t have to unfriend or block your ex, but unfollow them so you don’t have to see their updates. This will help keep the mind of your ex and allow you to focus on other things.

You could throw yourself back into hobbies you enjoy. Not only will it excite you, but hobbies are great ways of meeting people that enjoy the same things as you.

Playing sports, jogging, painting, chess clubs, dancing, or the gym. There are plenty of places to meet people with the same interests as you, which is already a plus point when starting a relationship.

Get professional help

Getting professional help for you or you and your partner/ex might be a good idea.

If your ex has left you and nothing will ever bring them back, seeking professional help for yourself might be a good idea. This is especially true if you are struggling to move on from your ex. This includes not going out at all, not taking care of yourself physically or mentally, and having feelings and thoughts of taking your life. There are plenty of other reasons than your partner for being here, seeking guidance from a professional counselor can help you.

If you and your ex agree to make it, try again, working with a relationship counselor might help you iron out any issues in your relationship in a calm, professional environment free from judgment. A counselor might also help identify issues you might not have known you had.

No matter what happens, remember that seeking professional counseling is nothing to be ashamed of and that our mental health is more important than anything else.

Bottom Line: Getting back with your ex is possible when you do the right things

Relationships are like a river; it’s always flowing and changing. If you try to swim upstream it will only become more difficult until eventually, you find yourself drowning.

This is usually what happens to most relationships. One or both partners stagnate, unwilling to change as the relationship evolves, eventually drowning. 

There are plenty of ways a relationship stagnates, whether it be partners not communicating correctly, not paying attention or listening, infidelity, or not trusting one another. Any one of these or a combination of some would keep a relationship from going where it’s supposed to.

If you remember the basics from this article, you’re already on the right path.

Getting your ex back is completely possible when you remember the most important things.

Being patient, listening and answering their questions honestly, trusting each other, and being open-minded are all great ways to start mending your broken relationship.

Stick to your guns, be who you are, and respect your partner and you will be back with your ex before you can finish saying “single life forever!”