Get your Ex Back by Winning the Power Struggle

A power struggle usually happens when both partners disagree and stubbornly do not want to compromise. As we’ve mentioned before, compromise isn’t always meeting halfway. Remember, winning the fight isn’t the end goal and that arguments are normal within all relationships.

Another desperate measure has to do with the power struggle between you and your partner. It ties in with jealousy and usually, power struggles come from selfishness and jealousy.

In our opinion, this is childlike behavior when no compromise is made at all. This only happens when both partners are selfish and is a sign of a weak relationship.

Usually, when there is a power struggle, there is no winner. These kinds of arguments tend to flow in a circle.

A great example would be this:

Partner 1: “Why didn’t you take out the trash?”

Partner 2: “Why didn’t you take out the trash?”

Partner 1: “I was busy with work.”

Partner 2: “I was busy with work too.”

This argument is going nowhere. You will argue for hours on end over the trash, instead of admitting fault and just taking out the trash. If partner 2 had answered the first question by telling their partner they were busy with work, that they were sorry, and that they’d take out the trash now, things would not escalate.

If partner 1 just assumed that their partner might have been too busy and taken out the trash themselves, without complaining about it, then an argument might have been avoided.

Instead, both parties choose not to take the blame for a certain problem, which leads to an endless void of repetitive arguments. Eventually one of the partners will feel like they are constantly arguing about the same stuff, which could lead to an eventual breakup.

How do you win a power struggle?

Winning the power struggle isn’t even really winning, but losing the power struggle. Instead of arguing in circles, accept defeat, say sorry, and fix said issue. Not only will this make your ex see that you are open to finding solutions to fix the relationship, but it might even teach them new ways of resolving conflict as well.

Once your ex learns that apologizing and accepting our mistakes, fixing them, and moving on is much easier than complaining about something, they will start complaining less as well.

Once both partners stop arguing and complaining as much, the door to open and effective communication becomes much easier, which in turn leads to greater intimacy.  

There you have it, don’t try to win the power struggle by outarguing your partner, instead own up to it, fix it and move on. Not only will you save yourself time, sweat, and tears, but you won’t have to buy so much chocolate and flowers to keep apologizing after larger fights, since they won’t happen as much anymore.

Think cool, calm, and collected

It might sound simple, but when the time comes, and the pressure mounts, it might become difficult to stay calm and collected.

You must stay cool though. Any sort of outburst, whether it be in person or on the phone will give your ex all the reason to stay as far away from you as possible.

When confronted with a situation where it might be difficult to stay calm, there are plenty of things you can do to stay as cool as a cucumber.

1. A glass half full

Often, the problems we have with our partners aren’t even their problems, but ours.

We see issues with our partners that we want to fix, not because they are problematic at all, but just because we don’t like them.

Having a glass half full personality will give you a positive outlook, even at the grimmest of times.

Stop and think about what you have already achieved or gained from your time and realize that having an outburst will only waste what you’ve already been building up to.

Take this outlook on life with you through everything you do. Especially when it comes to your relationship. If you look at your partner as a glass half empty, constantly trying to fix everything about them you are only setting yourself up to fail.

Our partners are who they are. Sure, we can change some habits, but their personality traits and values are set in stone. Look at those as a half glass full, instead of half empty. This will make your journey as a couple much easier, leaving more space to grow positively, instead of breaking them down constantly.

2. Be assertive

When we find ourselves in an argument, a lot of times, we go into defensive mode. This isn’t a very productive thing to do at all.

When someone becomes defensive, they tend to deflect any questions that go their way, instead of answering them.

When you don’t answer questions, it leaves your partner without an answer, and also leaves the argument without a proper resolution. So, next time you argue, the previous argument might get thrown in too, because it never got resolved. This continues, stacking on until arguments become fueled by constant blaming and shaming of past events that have no relevance to the present.

Be assertive, listen carefully when your partner asks a question. Do not be aggressive towards them, remain calm, and answer their questions truthfully and with respect.

3. Avoid conflict while intoxicated

This is a big no in any relationship!

When people are intoxicated, it opens a flood gate of emotion that might have been pent up for a while, but whatever you do, avoid telling any of it to your partner.

Being intoxicated is like having the filter of our emotions taken off, sure it’s how you might feel for real, but the issue is in the execution of it all. When you’re befuddled you might say things the wrong way, or act aggressively towards your partner, all of which are not great ways to deal with issues.

Not only that, but sometimes we might say something we don’t mean in the spur of the moment, which will leave you dealing with new problems once you sober up.

4. Prepare a list beforehand

This is a great way to stay calm during confrontation. Before you talk to your partner about an issue that you think might lead to confrontation, make a list of what you would like to say to them and what you think they might respond with.

Make sure you still listen carefully to their answers and questions and don’t hide behind your list. That said, whenever you speak, read through your list carefully and remember the point you would like to make.

This will help keep your thoughts in order, which in turn will keep you calm during a confrontation.

A lot of times we get flustered by the constant barrage of accusations and questions, and then start becoming aggravated. This pre-preparation will allow your mind some breathing room to stay calmer than usual. Remember to breathe as well!

5. Find a common ground

Finding something that you both agree about during a confrontation could put out the fire quickly.

It might not happen quickly, but if you keep your mindset on finding a mutual resolution, you might be able to get there.

Keep your eyes on the prize, which isn’t winning the argument, but working towards a satisfying mutual resolution.

Try to keep your answers straight to the point, but also in such a way that you steer the confrontation in a direction that will lead to resolution. This is a skill that doesn’t come easily to all people and will require massive amounts of patience and empathy.

A resolution will not be reached if you argue only to defend yourself and your viewpoint. Once you listen and see the argument from your partners’ side, you should try to work your opinion and theirs into a single conclusion that satisfies both parties. 

If you follow these 5 rules when stuck in a confrontation with your ex or partner, you are sure to walk away with a satisfying resolution.