5 Self Improvement Tips for Trying to Get Your Ex Back

We all know how painful it is when you want your ex back, but they don’t want to get back together. Winning back an ex is not even the hardest part. The hardest part is keeping them. If they have already left you once, what’s going to stop them from leaving you again? So, even if you do get your lover back, it’s pointless if you fail to keep them permanently.

Before you even try to get back with your ex, you have to consider your own needs. Ask yourself if you truly want your ex back because, at this point, your own well-being is more important.

Breakups are emotionally difficult and painful. It is not the same as physical pain, which can be cured if you apply an ointment, or take medication. This kind of pain takes longer to subside. And you can’t just take a pill to numb the feelings when your ex is leaving you.

When people split, they sometimes find themselves in a panic-stricken state, due to fear. And that might make you act irrationally. Your pride might be hurt, and cause you to get out of character. If that happens, the best thing to do is to take a step back, and try to control yourself.

If you want to get your ex back, you should first concentrate on self improvement. That will help make sure that winning back an ex is really what you want, (and need). It will also help you keep them, once you get them back.

It is Time to Take Care of Yourself

Self improvement means putting yourself first. It does not mean you should be pushy with your ex. That would send the wrong message – one of desperation. So stop begging, crying, and telling your ex how much you love him or her. It is not going to work.

It is time to pick up a magnifying glass and examine yourself. What mistakes did you make in the relationship? Could you have caused the sudden breakup? It may not have been anyone’s fault. Maybe your lover just fell out of love.

No one can guarantee that you can get your lover back. But we can guarantee that being pushy and constantly irritating your ex is just going to push them further away. So if you want to rekindle your relationship, and get back with your ex, be patient. Give them some time, and space.

During this cooling off period, start concentrating on yourself. Work on improving your body, and mind. And eventually, your ex may just find a new partner – in you. Below are five self improvement tips to help you work on yourself before you try to get your ex back.

#1. Try Something New with Your Appearance

You ex has left you, and you’re hurting. But that does not mean you should lock yourself in a room, and disconnect from the world. It is time to get out, and make some positive changes in yourself.

Start with your physical appearance. Have you stopped shaving since your ex left? Is your face full of pimples? Are you constantly sporting the just-got-out-of-bed look? Get out of your room, and take a good, hard look in the mirror. It’s time to give yourself a fresh look. Don’t do it to impress your ex. Do it for yourself, so you can feel fresh and new.

Here are a few ways to update your look:

• Change your hairstyle. If you’re a guy, change up your facial hair. Cut and/or color your hair. If you have a beard or mustache, shave it. If you don’t have facial hair, start growing some (again, only if you’re a guy).
• Improve your smile. A beautiful smile can win a thousand hearts, and it’s one of the first things people notice about you. So get your teeth cleaned. If they’re looking yellow or stained, try professional or at-home teeth whitening.
• Get into better shape. Eat healthier and hit the gym. Working out is also great for your mood because it causes the release of endorphins, which are hormones that make you feel happier.
• Go shopping! Find something new to wear. A stylish new outfit can help make you look, and feel better.

Do not do anything too drastic right after a breakup. You do not want to do anything that you will regret later in life. For example, getting a broken heart tattoo probably isn’t a good idea if you want to get back with your ex.

#2. Give Yourself (and Your Ex) Some Space

Do you really want to know how to get your ex back after a break up? The answer is simple. Stop being pushy, and start giving them some space. Deep inside your heart, you want your ex back, but you need to play things cool for a while.

Give yourself, and your ex, at least 30 days apart, without any communication. Give them time to miss you, and use that time to work on yourself.

You feel hurt and angry, and only agreed to the separation because they gave you no other choice. Your instinct is to try to get them back right away, but it’s important to give yourself (and your ex) some time and space. If you act out of desperation, and try to get back with your ex right away, they’ll know that they can easily walk all over you.

Stop blaming yourself for the breakup. It is time to stop beating yourself up about it. And stop going over it again and again in your mind. If you want to know how to win back your ex, then stop living in the past. You cannot change something that’s already happened, so stop punishing yourself and wishing that you had done things differently.

If you know the breakup was partially your fault, and if you get your lover back someday, make sure that you don’t fall back into old habits. You need to learn from your past mistakes, and stop repeating them. If you slip back into the same bad habits, you will risk splitting up again.

Wining back an ex can be easy if you become a little more romantic, listen more to your partner, and become a little more considerate. You may have been taking them for granted. Change yourself for the better. And try to do things that will please your ex, like developing good habits that he or she wanted to instill in you when they were with you.

If your ex has left you, then it is useless to chase them with text messages, pleading letters, and desperate phone calls. Give them, and yourself, a little space. You may still be in shock, and feeling panicky, but take a long deep breath, and try to heal yourself, and garner strength to win back your partner.

#3. Let Your Ex Know You’re Doing Well

No contact with your ex doesn’t mean you can’t get them a message. Make sure they know you’re doing well without them. Phone calls and text messages are not the only ways to reach them. Hello! This is the age of social media! Facebook and Twitter are great ways to show your ex that you are fine, confident, and happy. Even if you have unfriended or blocked your ex, the message is sure to get back to them through other people.

In this hyperconnected world, we all share friends and followers with one another, so it’s likely that you and your ex have at least a few mutual friends. Ask those friends to hang out, and show them that your life is all right. If you’ve been dating, let them know you have been on a few dates. It’s time to show them that you are happy, even without your ex. It’s guaranteed that the message will get back to your ex. If you ask the experts how to win back your partner overnight, they’ll tell you it’s simple – IGNORE THEM.

Let them know that you have moved on. They expect you to beg, and make a total fool of yourself, while they sit back and laugh. You have to do the opposite of what they’re expecting. This is the most important step for winning back an ex. They expect you to call, but when you don’t, they will call you. And when they do call, act calm, cool, and collected, (even if you’re actually super excited to hear from them).

#4. Work on Your Mental Strength

Many people who search online for tips to win back an ex are in a bad mental state. They do not have the mental strength to combat the sudden shock of a breakup, and are unable to find relief from their heartache. Being happy and confident is the only way to get your lover back. You need to realize that, when it comes to getting your ex back, you need to work on a few self improvements first. So if you’re wondering how to get your ex back after a break up, start by becoming a happier person.

We know it’s hard to put a smile back on your face right after a breakup. You aren’t sleeping or eating properly, and you keep thinking about your ex all day. That’s OK. Give yourself some time to grieve. But during that time, do something that will help you feel good about yourself too.

Get a notebook, and write about your thoughts and feelings in it. Writing can be therapeutic, and help you overcome all of those painful emotions. Not into writing? Try spending more time with your loved ones. Hang out with your friends and family members who are always there for you – in your best, and worst times. One more thing you can do to regain your confidence and happiness is to try to start dating again. Go out on a least a few dates before ending the no contact period with your ex.

You know your own weaknesses and strengths better than anyone else. Take pride in your strengths, and accept yourself, despite your weaknesses. That is what confidence is all about.

#5. Take Small Steps to Get Your Ex Back

Don’t rush back into a relationship with your ex without fully understanding why you broke up in the first place. Before you get back with your ex, you need to get together and talk honestly about what happened. Try to understand one another’s needs and expectations.

Many relationships today fall apart when people start taking each other for granted. You must remember that you are dealing with a real person, and their real feelings. You have no right to play with their emotions, and they have no right to play with yours.

Before you can understand how to win back your partner after a break up, you need to stay calm and in control of your own actions. Give your ex enough space to process everything that happened, and enough time to start missing you. Do not overreact, or put any emotional pressure on your ex. Instead, play it cool.

Even if, deep down, you are hurting, and constantly thinking about getting your ex back, don’t beg. Don’t give them the chance to walk all over you. Just pretend that you are fine about the breakup, show them that you have moved on, and tell them you want to remain friends.

It is important to stay positive and optimistic while you try to figure out how to get your ex back after a break up. Time is critical, so take small steps to make your ex realize that you are doing well without him or her. Let them feel your absence in their life. Let them see for themselves that you’re working on being a better person.

The changes you’ve made in yourself – physically, mentally, and emotionally – are sure to get your ex’s attention. When they do, decide if you still want your ex back. If not, get your awesome new self out there, and find someone new. But if you decide you still want to get back with your ex, take small steps toward that goal. Just make sure that the steps you’re taking are towards a happier, healthier, and stronger relationship. And that your ex realizes that you were the best thing that ever happened to them, and you always will be.

Wrapping Up

After a painful breakup, it’s time to take care of yourself. Heal the burns and bruises on your heart by applying the magical ointment of self improvement. During the no contact phase of your breakup, it can be hard to stop thinking about your ex 24/7. But it’s important that you give them (and yourself) some time and space. Instead of focusing all of your energy on winning back an ex, use it to work on improving yourself. All of the tips in the world for getting your ex back won’t help you until you make an active effort to invest time in yourself.