How to Get Your Ex Back Quickly

You’ve recently ended your relationship with your significant other, we’ve all been through it, but you’re not ready to give up just yet.

Whether you left your partner and you’ve realized you made a mistake, or your partner left you and you want them back, this article will help you navigate the deadly, deep waters that are getting back your ex.

Sure, there’s no way to know whether your ex will want you back, but you’re willing to take the risk and plunge in headfirst. Persistence is key. 

So, what can you do to get your ex back quickly?

Firstly, you might need to slow down a bit first. It’s important that after a breakup you take some time off for yourself. You can’t get your ex back in your current state, you’re half the reason the relationship didn’t work.

So, to start you need to work on yourself. Here are some things you should do after your breakup.

Be completely selfish (and be happy)

We know what you’re thinking. How can being selfish help me get my ex back?

It’s quite simple really.

When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, there are always some hobbies, habits, and interests that you let go of. Whether it’s to make time to spend with your partner, or maybe something your partner despises, it was something you enjoyed that you stopped doing.

Now’s the time to get back to doing the things you love most. Maybe you were an aspiring musician but gave it up cause your partner wanted someone with a stable job. Maybe you loved baking, but never got time to do it anymore. Whatever hobbies or interests you let go of, staying busy during the first part of your breakup is therapeutic. So, buy that guitar, piano, oven, or easel and get busy!

Not only will it help mend your broken heart, but it could help you reconnect with family members, friends, and most importantly yourself. Hobbies are a great excuse to invite people over to socialize. You can also join hobbyist groups. These groups are a great way to meet people who share the same interests as you. 

If you’re going to get back with your ex you must be true to yourself. This alone time will allow you to realize what you want to do with your life and the true person you are. Once you are sure of it, you can see where your ex fits into all of it, or if they even do.

Clean up your side of the breakup

Doing some internal house cleaning is all part of the process of healing. 

Take some time to spend with your friends and family. Go on a holiday. A change of scenery will help you separate yourself from the relationship. Use this time to work on yourself.

Remember, no one is perfect, but accepting our flaws can be difficult. Looking in the mirror and identifying your flaws is a must after a breakup.

Now, we’re not saying you should be blaming only yourself for the breakup. All stories have two sides, but identifying your weaknesses within a relationship can lead to some big breakthroughs.

When you spend time reflecting on your blind spots, it will allow you time to work on them. Not only will this help you become a better person and partner, but it will show your ex that you are willing to change. These changes will help mend your relationship with your ex, which could help you get them back.

If you’re feeling particularly hurt during this time, remember that you are allowed to grieve. Grieving is a normal thing to experience when you have just lost something you love. Don’t try to distract yourself if you are grieving, since it is a feeling that shouldn’t be ignored. If you try to avoid grief, it will only make the pain last longer.

There are plenty of ways to deal with grief, don’t be afraid to cry. Acknowledging the pain and accepting it will help make the process easier. Take care of your mental and physical health during this time.

Here are some ways to deal with grief:

1. Grief happens in cycles, not a line

There will be days when you feel better, and some days when you feel like you’re incapable of doing anything.

Do not fear when this happens. Grief isn’t just a straight line going from the worst, slowly up to the best. Instead, it comes and goes. 

Here’s the thing though, every time the grief goes away, it stays away for longer before it comes back. Maybe at first, it’s every other day. Then twice a week, then once a week. Just remember that having an off day is not a sign of you going backward, it’s a sign of progression.

2. Feelings are normal

People will try to tell you how to feel and it can become frustrating.

They might tell you to stop being sad or so depressed. They might even tell you to just be happy again, but we know that’s not how it works.

Grief and pain can take hold of you at any time. It’s not by choice that you feel this way and you should never blame yourself for it. The feelings that come with your grief are all normal feelings. No one person ever has the same experience when grieving, we all do it differently.

What’s important is that you do you. Whatever you feel like will help get you back to a better day, do it.

3. Remember, you are never alone

It might feel like you are all alone after your partner left you. But that’s not true.

Some people are fortunate and they have friends and family. If so, give them a visit. You don’t have to tell them you’re dealing with a breakup if you don’t want to. If you feel like sharing it with them, then go ahead. Most people have dealt with breakups in the past and will be able to sympathize with you. They might even have some wisdom to share about their experience that might relate to what you feeling or dealing with.

If you don’t have any friends or family, you can always seek help from a medical professional or therapist. They are trained to listen and help with these types of situations.

Stop focusing on what you lost

It’s human nature to stay stuck in the past. We constantly contemplate choices, mistakes, and people from our yesteryears.

There’s nothing wrong with reminiscing about these things, but when we fixate on them, they can take control of our daily lives. This period can lead to depression, loss of focus, and a lack of general well-being. 

To fix this, you need to refocus your priorities. A shift in mentality towards the present is needed. If you want to get back your ex, you will need to forget about the past you had with them. 

Instead, focus on being the best version of yourself first. There are plenty of ways to do this.

• Daily meditation. Meditation will help you to learn to focus on the present. There are plenty of great guided meditations online for all different situations. A quick search for meditation videos about learning to focus gets you there quickly. If you enjoy meditation, you can turn it into a hobby that will benefit you for the rest of your life. 
• Self-help books and guides. Reading helps keep your mind focused on the present, with no chance to dwell on the past. Not only that, but if you read educational work, you learn as you read. Pick a book about a subject or topic you enjoy and give it a read. You may even try reading some books about relationships, health or money.
• Get a new hobby. To keep your mind off of the relationship you can try a new hobby. If you’re feeling artsy try painting, drawing, or learning to play an instrument. If you’re good with your hands you can try building miniature models or sculpting. If you enjoy food, you can try cooking. Not only does it keep you busy, but you get a delicious meal to go with it.
• Exercising. Exercising is a lot like meditation. You focus a lot on your breathing and the present. It helps keep your mind off the past, whilst also getting you into better shape, which will make your ex look twice when you see them again.
• Living in the present. Being mindful when your mind wanders into the past is important. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we’re drifting away, or daydreaming. Staying aware of your present surroundings can be difficult, but just like most things, if you do it enough, you will start doing it without thinking about it.
• Spending time with family and friends. Visit your family or friends to keep your mind off the relationship. Being with people you love is an instant mood booster. When we spend time with them our brain will release oxytocin, which promotes a feeling of trust and empathy.
• Moving to a new home or city. A change of scenery will help you forget about the past. Seeing familiar things will only make you think about the past.
• Once you aren’t focused or worried about your previous relationship with your ex, you can start to focus on getting them back.
• They will see that you have a renewed sense of self, and present yourself more confidently. Not only is this an attractive quality to have in any person, but they will also see that you don’t need them to be happy. This is very important. This brings me to our next topic.

Let go of the fear that your ex will forget about you

When you’re still in love with your ex, it can be a scary thing to experience.

There is a constant fear that they might meet someone new and be happier with them. This might lead you to believe that they will enter a relationship with this person and never look back again. You worry that they will walk into a bar one day, see someone new, and fall head over heels in love with them. That they will completely forget their past with you and start writing a whole new chapter with this new person, until one day you are so far gone in their memory that they even forget your name.

Sometimes it doesn’t even need to be your ex. Some people have this fear within their current relationships. It is a form of jealousy and it is not a good look. 

Relationships are built on trust. It is the foundation of all relationships, whether it be family, friends, or lovers.

When you are jealous of your ex, you will only be focused on what they are doing at any given time. You might spend hours upon hours on social media stalking their every post. Or even worse, you might be following them in real life. 

This is dangerous and could result in your ex calling the police on you and even getting a restraining order. Then you’ll never get them back.

Even if it’s only social media, you will end up neglecting your own mental and physical health, which in turn will only scare your ex away anyway.

This means you should stop reading their social media, stop any contact with them and either don’t look at or delete pictures of you with them on your phone.

Instead, you should focus on the present. Once you have made peace with the fact that your ex might forget about you, you can be happier. A happier and more confident you will be the only way to get your ex back.

Consider the reasons for the breakup and the length of the relationship

A great way to let go of the fear your ex might forget you is to look at all the reasons the relationship didn’t work.

Every relationship is built differently. This is because people have different personalities. Some people are very defensive, which could make confrontation difficult. Some people love confrontation and will fight about the smallest things. 

Some are scared and might retreat from an argument, which could lead to the “silent treatment” or what some call “stonewalling.”

This is when a partner doesn’t respond to you at all. It can cause a lot of resentment in a relationship because the conflict and issues always remain unresolved. This leads to resentment and large bursts of anger eventually.

Arguments can be about the smallest of things. Try to examine your relationship to gauge how frequently you argued and what things you argued about.

Having fights about small, pointless things is a sign of a struggling relationship. Small things like washing the dishes or taking out the trash should not lead to an argument, and yet sometimes they do.

These petty arguments are a sign of a larger communication issue between you and your ex, which if not resolved will just lead to you breaking up again.

Here are some examples of red flags in a relationship:

• If your partner lies to you about smaller things. This is usually a sign that they are a pathological liar. Not only could they be lying about finances, family, and work matters, but they could also be dishonest about your relationship.
• An uncompromising partner. Usually called stubbornness, although this takes it to a new level. When your partner is constantly unable to even try to meet you in the middle, you should seek advice or let them go.
• Stonewalling. This is when a partner does not want to take part in the argument and shuts it down, avoiding confrontation, but also resolution.
• Excessive jealousy. A bit of jealousy is needed in a relationship, but when it borders stalking behavior or controlling behavior, it needs to be stopped. Everyone needs their privacy and alone time. If your partner is constantly checking your texts, and social media, and won’t let you do things alone or meet friends, it is time to seek help.
• No communication. Stonewalling is only one of the ways communication between you and your partner is interrupted, but other things influence it too. A defensive partner could make navigating issues difficult, as well as the opposite. An aggressive partner might argue about everything. 

If you have identified any of these issues within your relationship, you will need to work on them before getting back to your ex.

Another important thing to consider is the length of the relationship. A great general rule is for every year your relationship lasted; you may spend a week grieving. So, if you have been together for a year, you can take a week to contemplate and think over your relationship and all the good and bad things about it. After that week, it is time to start making changes and getting your game plan ready to either get back with your ex or seek new romantic relationships.

Ask yourself the right questions

After a breakup, it is important to take time away from the relationship. As mentioned above, during this alone time it is a good idea to reflect on the relationship. 

This is when it is important to be asking the right questions about you and the relationship. Here are some questions you should ask yourself:

1. How did my partner make me feel?

When you were with your partner, there would have been good times and bad times. These aren’t the feelings you should be worried about.

It’s easy to feel good with your partner when you’re on holiday at the beach, sipping cocktails and watching the sunset. 

What’s more important is how you felt when you were doing mundane things. Washing the dishes or cleaning the bedroom. Did it feel better knowing your partner was there or was there no difference? Maybe you even felt pressured to do it correctly because of an abusive partner. 

 If you felt no difference or worse with your partner around, it might not be a good idea to pursue them again.

A good partner will even make the boring parts of life better. That’s what makes being with someone you love such a great feeling.

2. How did you feel when things got difficult?

If your partner truly loved you, they would have been there to support you even during the most difficult times.

Now, we mustn’t expect our partners to carry our burdens, but just knowing they are there for us should make the load lighter. Sometimes our partners won’t be able to help, that’s just the way life is, but again just knowing that if they were able, they would have.

A supportive partner is important to have, especially during difficult times. Having a partner that is not present or even degrading will only make difficult times worse.

3. What positives can you take away from the relationship?

Even the worst of relationships will have some positive things you can learn from or take away.

If you struggle remembering it might be a good idea to make a pros and cons list. If at the moment you only have bad things to write about your relationship, it’s ok. Write down all the cons you can think of. If during that time you think of any pros, write them down too. 

If you still cannot list any good things, take a break. Go watch some TV, or read a book. Get your mind off the relationship. Keep the list and come back the next day to try again. Whatever you do, don’t leave the pros list empty. Try to find a valuable lesson to take away from the relationship. 

4. What are things a partner must have or do in your opinion?

This is an issue many couples in their first relationship struggle with. If you don’t have a lot of experience dating, you might not have asked yourself this question before you entered a relationship with your partner.

As time rolled by, you noticed issues with your partner’s character, habits, and values. Not knowing what character traits and values you value in a person can lead to an unsatisfying relationship.

Find the things that you want in a partner that are most important to you. A lot of these values come from your upbringing and beliefs. If a partner does not share any of your values or beliefs it can be difficult to form a true bond. It might work for a while, but once you live together and try to start a life together, things will become unstable. 

Asking yourself all these questions will help you hone in on what you need to change to be better personally and within a relationship. It will also help you see the issues within the relationship you had with your ex, which you can use to mend the relationship and get back with your ex.

Learn the difference between persistence and neediness

If you’re going to get your ex back, persistence will be key. The biggest issue is that if you go about, it the wrong way, it might come off looking needy. Neediness is not attractive.

Here are some signs of neediness:

1. Losing your own identity

When you stop being yourself around your partner it’s time to take a look in the mirror. 

Sure, it’s natural to want to please your partner and spend as much time with them as you possibly can, but you still need to be yourself and do things you like.

If you start feeling like you are spending too much time trying to please your partner, and it comes at the cost of you losing your own identity it’s time to make some changes.

This can come in many forms. It could be giving up hobbies that you enjoyed, not listening to the music you like, or watching the shows you enjoy. It could even be clothing. There’s nothing wrong with dressing up for your partner, but when they criticize your fashion choices every day, to the point that you don’t feel comfortable in the clothes you like anymore, it could be a red flag.

2. Always texting or staying in contact with each other

Checking in on your partner is normal when they are away. It’s just that there is a normal amount, and then there is an unhealthy amount.

If you are constantly texting your partner at work, it means you are needy. There is no excuse to be constantly texting your partner while they are working. Not only could it jeopardize their work due to them not being able to focus on their work, but it could make them feel under pressure constantly when they aren’t able to text you back.

Unless it is an emergency, leave texting for lunchtime.

3. You never miss each other

You might feel like it’s a bad sign that you never miss your partner, maybe that you don’t love them as much anymore. That’s not why.

If you’re always with your partner, there is never time apart to miss them. How can you miss them if they are always with you?

This is why it is important to spend time apart, and no, being at work doesn’t always count.

Having a hobby or friends outside of your relationship is perfectly fine and is usually a sign of a healthy relationship, as long as both partners are supportive. 

4. Feeling anxious or depressed when your partner is gone

This is the opposite of number three. When you do miss your partner, you tend to feel down, depressed or anxious.

You’re allowed to miss your partner, but if you find yourself sulking in the bathtub or just zoning out till their back, you might be needy.

Your happiness and your mental state do not depend on your partner. Not only will you make your partner feel responsible for your mental health, which will put stress on them, but you will push them further away, only leading to more anxiety and depression.

Try to focus on yourself and your own needs. Get an extra freelance job, read a book or go for a run. You’d be amazed what you can do in your free time alone without your partner.

If you noticed yourself doing any of these things, your ex might think you are too needy and might even have been the reason the relationship didn’t work. Working on yourself and learning to be more trustworthy and individualistic in your relationship can do wonders to get your ex back.

If your ex was the needy one, you need to ask yourself whether they would be willing to work on themselves to make the changes needed. Only then will the relationship stand a better chance.