8 Terrible Mistakes You Shouldn’t Make if You Want Your Ex Back (Updated November 2019)

When you want to get your ex back, you’re willing to do everything possible to get them back. A lot of people are in the same position as you. Their boyfriends or girlfriends break up with them, and they feel like their whole world has collapsed. So they panic, and immediately make the worst possible mistakes. This could ruin their chances of getting back together. The problem is that it’s so easy to make these mistakes that you won’t even realize you’re ruining your chances to get your ex back.

What happens when your significant other tells you that they want to take a break, or they want to break up? Your thoughts start racing, your blood starts pumping, and you automatically switch to panic mode. How different people react during this panic mode can vary – while some start hyperventilating or get violent, other people simply get quiet, because their mind goes into overdrive.

It is during this panic mode that most people commit the biggest mistakes because they’re not thinking clearly. If you intend to get your lover back, you need to know about these mistakes and make an active effort to avoid them. Here are some terrible mistakes you shouldn’t make if you want to get your ex back:

#1. Begging for Them to Come Back

Pitiful begging is easily one of the least effective ways to get your ex back, yet many people do it. It seems to be many people’s first instinct after they experience a break-up, and are trying to get back together with an ex.

Think of yourself as the person on the other side of this situation, and your significant other is begging for you to take them back. Would you? Or would you be annoyed? Even if you do decide to take them back, it will only be out of pity, and who wants that? The feeling of pity will eventually wear out and you will find yourself dealing with another breakup.

If you’ve been using the begging method to get your ex back, it’s time to stop. They’re going to expect you to keep begging, but you need to take a U-turn and do the complete opposite. Use the No-Contact rule, and cut them out of your life completely.

The sudden change in behavior will make them stop and think about what they’re doing. This No-Contact period will also give you the time and space you need to look at the situation from a fresh perspective. It could even help you come up with an effective plan for how to get your ex back.

#2. Texting or Calling Too Much

Constantly texting or calling your ex isn’t going to help you get your ex back. You will just end up annoying them and possibly even making them angry. You could say that constant texting or calling is one of the cardinal sins for how to get your ex back after a break-up.

After your significant other breaks up with you, it’s only natural to want answers. In an attempt to get those answers fast, many people will persistently text or call their exes. This behavior will make you seem crazy and might scare your ex away.

When you’re repetitively calling or texting your ex, you’re not just ruining your chances to get your ex back now. You’re also giving them more reasons to never get back together with you. So how do you fix this mistake? Like the solution to the first mistake, go on a No-Contact vacation. It will give them some space, and you some time to calm down. Try cutting off all contact with them for about two weeks, after which you can try to reconnect with them, perhaps with a non-threatening text.

No matter how hard and difficult this time is, you need to keep your integrity intact. You want your ex to respect you and not be creeped out by you. Once your ex knows that you are not the person they think you are, it will surely change their point of view. This understanding from your side will help you get your ex back.

#3. Fighting with Them

After a breakup, you’re in a highly emotional, and reactive state. So it’s easy to get angry and start fighting with your ex when you talk to them. However, this can seriously damage your chances if you’re trying to get your ex back.

When your significant other has gone to the extent of breaking up with you, they had likely been feeling overwhelmed or frustrated. Fighting with them is just going to aggravate the situation and may even kill your chances to get your ex back.

While you’re going through a breakup, you will likely get angry about the dumbest things. You’ll also probably get a tad bit overly defensive. And when you get defensive, you may also start accusing your ex of things. You may even accuse your ex of things that did not even happen. This will raise the tension and the distance between the two of you because you cannot take back the hurtful things you say.

If you want to get your ex back, you’re going to have to set aside your ego, and think things through before you say them. If you constantly bicker over the silliest of things, you will end up regretting it later.

Let’s say your ex accused you of doing something that you didn’t do. Instead of exploding, take a deep breath, and calmly tell them the truth about the situation. If they refuse to listen, then just walk out of the conversation. Just let it be, and take some time out from talking to them. It’s going to be difficult, but it’s necessary if you want to get your ex back.

#4. Making a Grand Gesture

You’ve seen too many romantic movies if you think making a grand gesture is the best way to get your ex back after a break-up. Maybe you’ve decided to make a public proclamation of your love, or you’ve bought dozens of gifts to win them back. The harsh truth is that real life isn’t a Nicholas Sparks movie, or a John Green novel. Making a grand gesture isn’t the best advice to follow for how to get your ex back.

Sure, there may be a few instances when a grand gesture actually did work for someone. However, your ex needs to be in the right frame of mind to accept this gesture. So it’s best to start slow like you did before you started dating them.

If you’re trying to get your ex back, think of it as a brand new relationship, and give them some time for the attraction to grow, (or in this case, re-grow). Unless you’re completely sure that they want you back, leave the presents and the big speeches for later after you’ve already gotten back with them.

Grand gestures can also backfire. Your ex might think that you are inconsiderate of the situation and you want to buy their love with gifts. Not everyone likes a gift when they are feeling low and sad.

If you’ve already made a grand gesture, there’s no way to take it back now. The best thing you can do now is to communicate your feelings properly. You need to have a proper dialogue and explain your side of the story.

You must help your ex understand that it is not materialistic but just your way of showing your love. This is your best chance to get your ex back if you have already made the mistake of making a grand gesture.

#5. Cyber-Stalking/Stalking Them

After the breakup, it is necessary that you give time and space to your ex and your self. But be careful, because many people make a huge mistake during this period. With social media channels like Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat available, many people start stalking their exes’ accounts.

It’s obvious that you want to get your ex back, but doing this could be seriously damaging to your mental health. And it won’t improve your chances of getting them back. It will just make you more anxious and you will end up making a mistake which you will regret later.

If you see your ex posting happy posts and are out to party with friends it will only make you feel terrible about yourself. You will feel that you are the only one who is stuck in time and can’t move forward. It will just make you angrier and will take away your rational thinking.

This is exactly why it is very important to apply a No Contact rule after the breakup. The No-Contact Rule doesn’t just apply to text and call. It means cutting your ex off completely. No checking their social media accounts, no “accidentally” running into them at places they frequent, and absolutely no surprise drop-bys. You have to win their love and not scare them away.

#6. Becoming a Recluse

Another huge mistake people make after going through a break-up is to shut themselves off from the outside world. We’ve all been there, and we know how ugly break-ups can be, especially if you want to get your ex back.

You shut yourself inside your room for hours, trying to understand what went wrong, and how you could have prevented it. You avoid contact with friends and family and prefer to spend time alone. We know it’s tough but becoming a recluse isn’t the best way to get your ex back after a breakup.

You’ve probably already heard this from friends and family. Now you’re hearing it from us. As harsh as it may sound, it’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you really want to get your ex back, going into recluse mode is not going to help you make a very strong case for yourself. It’s not healthy for your mind, or your body.

The best thing you can do is to go out and have fun. Maybe do something you’ve never done before, even just for a day. You may not notice it right away, but soon you’ll realize just how much getting out of the house and having some fun can help. When you’re in a more positive mindset, you can take a fresh look at the situation, and start coming up with the best way to get your ex back after a break-up.

#7. Sleeping with Them

If you want to get your ex back, continuing to sleep with them after the break-up isn’t going to help. A lot of people think that if they continue the physical relationship, it’ll help them progress to what it was before the break-up.

The sad truth is that it’s probably just making things worse. If you’re no longer dating, but you’re still sleeping together, you’re just friends with benefits. If your ex gets too comfortable with this new dynamic, it will hamper your efforts of trying to get back together.

Obviously, the best thing to do if you want to get your ex back is to not sleep with them. If you’ve already committed this mistake, however, you’ll need to follow the time-tested, No-Contact rule again. It might be difficult at first but it will definitely put things in perspective for you. Since you’ve continued the physical relationship after the break-up, it’s going to take a lot of discipline and determination to pull this off.

Your ex might not feel the same about it and could coax you into sleeping together. But you will have to maintain a tough stand and put some distance from your ex. It’s for your own good because a relationship with no soul with only bring you down and you will hate yourself for making this mistake.

Taking a tough stand will also make your ex respect you eventually. They will know that they are at fault and soon realize that you are a keeper. This will be a win-win situation for you as now they are the ones who would want to get their ex back.

#8. Giving Them an Ultimatum

You sense that your ex is unsure about coming back to you, and you’re looking for ideas on how to get your ex back fast. So you apply the urgency principle and give them an ultimatum in the form of a deadline. This is a big mistake in most cases.

Think of yourself as your ex, and consider how the ultimatum would make you feel. Instead of prompting your ex to come back to you, the ultimatum may make your ex want to give up on your relationship altogether. Instead of having the desired effect, ultimatums typically have the complete opposite effect and are a grave mistake if you want to get your ex back.

You had been panicking, and you give your ex an ultimatum… “If you don’t come back by such-and-such a date, forget about coming back at all.” Now that you’ve already committed the mistake, how will you fix it? If you plan to get your lover back, your first move to fix this mistake should be to apologize for the ultimatum. Tell them that you made a mistake, and you would take it back if you could.

While this isn’t going to solve everything, it’s a good start if you want to get your ex back. Once you send them an apology text, your next move should be to start using the No-Contact rule again. You might think that we have overemphasized this point but it is of crucial importance. No contact gives you time to cool down and you can think things through.

Try avoiding any contact with them for at least two weeks, so that your ex will have enough time to rationally consider the situation. The No-Contact period could help put both of you in the right mindset for a future conversation to discuss trying to get back together.

Conclusion

Breakups are difficult and if you don’t give yourself a cool-down period then it can make you regret it for the rest of your life. When you are emotionally overwhelmed you don’t make the best decisions.

These terrible mistakes can easily ruin your chance to get your ex back, regardless of the situation. There are several other post-breakup mistakes, like having a rebound or making big life changes, but those usually happen when you don’t really want to get your ex back.

If you want to get your ex back, and you’re willing to do everything to get them back, make an active effort to avoid or fix the above mistakes. It will be good for your mental peace and you will emerge a winner from this difficult situation. It may not be easy and you will end up making some mistakes but always remember that your true and honest feelings will always win in the end. You just need to be calm enough to express them properly.

We hope that we were able to help you avoid these mistakes and improve your chances to get your ex back. If you have any suggestions to add, please share them in the comments below. And let us know if we were of any help to you.